Co-Worker: I wanted to talk to you about the online reporting tools we have for accessing profile information

Me: Okay. The ones I sent you detailed instructions for last month?

Co-Worker: Right. Those. I . . . wanted to see if we could streamline the process at all.

Me: (Pause.) Hmm . . . I'm not sure what you mean by . . . streamline.

(Aside to self: But I have a sneaking suspicion it means 'do it for me.')

Co-Worker: I mean, right now it seems kind of complicated.

Me: Have you tried running a report yet?

Co-Worker: Well, not exactly. I did get your instructions, though. I should have them somewhere. Remind me again: did you send them to my email?

Me: Um . . . yes.

Co-Worker: Okay, then I'm sure I have them. I'm just . . . well . . . I guess what I'm wondering . . . do you think running these reports . . . I mean do you feel this might be . . . I mean . . . something that you should do.

Me: (Pause, breathe) Hmm . . . let me think about that, (name withheld). I'd have to answer in the negative to that one. You see, the tools have been designed under the foolish assumption that it would be good to empower users to run their own reports so that we don't waste money having 'technical' people act as secretaries to those with a fear of technology. They enable you to pull whatever information you need and then download it as an Excel spreadsheet. Excel, just so you know, is this silly little program which has been used widely in offices since early in the last decade.

Co-Worker: Huh. Well, it just seems like a lot of work to do, having to go into the system and run these reports.

Me: Well, yes. I suppose it does involve some deliberate will to action and just a smidge of physical exertion, mainly in the wrist and fingers. But I wouldn't call it a lot of 'work.' It's pretty simple, actually, and, all kidding aside, I'm happy to walk you through it, but it sounds like you haven't even tried yet.

Co-Worker: Well, I uh . . . well, that should be good . . . I guess . . . I guess it would just be nice to not have to go in and . . .

Me: . . . run the report? I agree: that would be nice. It would also be 'nice' if I typed your emails for you and held the phone to your head while you spoke into it.

Co-Worker: (Silence.)

Me: (Silence.)

Co-Worker: Well, I'll go ahead and read through your instructions and let you know if I have any questions.

Me: Sounds like a good idea.

Co-Worker: Have a great afternoon.

Me: You too. Buh-bye.

I'm obviously a little 'on edge' today . . . two more weeks. That's it.

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