It's important to recognize patterns in your life. Because once you've determined a pattern exists, you can try to figure out what it means. Right now, I'm puzzling over this one: with a few exceptions, I've spent my entire life in NFC East cities. Now, I realize there are non-football-watching people who read this who don't know the NFC East from the AFC West, and to you I apologize. But September means it's Football Season, people, and so I'm going to need to go off on football-related tangents every so often from now until early February. So just to clarify (for all of you non-football fans) what we're talking about here is Washington DC (Redskins), Dallas (Cowboys), New York (Giants), and Philadelphia (Eagles)—the NFC East.

If you know me from childhood you might baulk and say: Wait, wait, Dave. Okay, you were born in DC—I'll give you that—but then you grew up in Houston, man. Fourteen years. Oiler country. Sorry, but that's AFC, buddy. And to that I say: Yes, but my Dad lived in Dallas, and I visited him every other weekend from the time I was six. We used to go to games at Texas Stadium. So I think I can lay some claim to either city. Besides, I was never an Oilers fan, unless you count the poster of the Derrick Dolls I had in my room. In fact, I was the opposite of an Oilers fan. I was a Steelers fan back in those days. In any case, I spent eight years most recently in Dallas, so my heart is there. And besides, when you think about it, does Houston even have a real team anymore? (Sorry, James.)

Now, there are two phases in my life that might leave room for some discrepancy. First off was the four years I spent in college in central Virginia. Second would be my current stint in Baltimore. Central Virginia is now probably mostly Carolina Panther territory, but it wasn't that way for most of the time I was there, before the mid-90s expansion team thing occurred. Back then, I think most of central to northern Virginia was probably Skinz territory. That means the only real exception to my NFC East living has been the last two months in Baltimore. But come on, does that really count? Two months? The Ravens—another expansion team? I don't think so. It's never really felt right, being in Baltimore. And now I know why.

Things have been complicated ever since we left Dallas for DC four years ago. Cowboys vs. Redskins has always been a huge rivalry. And it has felt kind of weird watching them play against each other while sitting in our apartment in DC and cheering for . . . who? Cowboys? Redskins? Tough call.

Last night, things got a little more complicated. The area we're moving to in central New Jersey, just west of New York City, is pretty much Giants country. Of course, if you travel an hour and a half Southwest, you'd also be in Eagles country. (I'm telling you, there is some crazy cosmic circumstance here.) Last night, came our first test: Giants vs Dallas. Another huge rivalry. The two played at home—er, in Dallas. C and I decided we'd cheer for the Giants because it was going to be our new "local" team and we needed to be up on the players, you know, just in case we were confronted by any suspicious neighbors knocking on our door wearing jerseys emblazoned with the number 10. But we found it hard to do. There were too many years of ingrained animosity toward the Giants. And we found ourselves letting out small cheers whenever Romo would make a good pass. So, for now, I think we'll just try to remain neutral bystanders. It's probably safer that way. After all, we're going to be strangers to the people in NJ. We might be tarred and feathered if we're invited to a party one day and cheer for Dallas—or, even worse—the Redskins. On the other hand, we've still got friends and family in Big D, and Washington. And they know how to find us.

So I don't know why I am destined to live in the NFC East. I'm sure it has some profound existential meaning in my life, which I may never fully understand. Maybe it'll come to me as I'm drawing my final breath—Enlightenment. But this much is certain: no matter which NFC East region I live in, I will always continue to be a die-hard Denver Broncos fan. This way, nobody gets hurt.

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