In lieu of reading novels, which take far too long and are weighed down with useless things like "character development" and "plot" and "meaning," these days I've taken to reading only short snippets of text that can be inhaled in five minutes or less. I believe there's a term for this condition. What was it again? Oh yeah: brain atrophy. Unfortunately, my five-minute-or-less rule tends to exclude even my own blog posts, so usually I have to wait for others to read them and tell me whether or not they make sense. (Often, it turns out, they don't.)

Lately my taste for "short" has dwindled down to one-sentence powerhouses. They're short and sweet, but they really pack a punch. The great thing about these little text candies is they can be consumed in an instant, while you go about your daily routines. The other day, for instance, I was brushing my teeth and came across this little gem:

FOR BEST RESULTS, SQUEEZE TUBE FROM THE BOTTOM AND FLATTEN AS YOU GO UP.

It's wonderful what this author—who, as far as I can tell, wishes to remain anonymous—manages to accomplish in so few words. The great thing here is the ambiguity, how he leaves so much open to interpretation. Is he referring to this tube in particular, or all tubes, generally? And which end is the bottom and which is the top? Ahh. He never says! And when we "flatten" is this in reference to the tube, or to ourselves? Or something else entirely?

The real question, however, has to do with this concept of "best results." Because it's never explicitly stated: best results for what? Should we assume it's only about applying toothpaste to our brush? Or is this about something more? Maybe the author is suggesting we'll actually have better results in brushing our teeth or fighting cavities if we somehow manage to find the right tube and then squeeze it in the right direction. Or maybe it's broader still. Maybe we will be rewarded with better results ... in life. A better smile, bigger muscles, smoother skin, silkier hair, a longer-lasting erection. It leaves us wondering: is this simply an instruction for extracting toothpaste from a tube, or a mantra for getting more out of life? Certainly context would argue for the former. But why not make it clear then? I'm betting there's deeper meaning here.

And I think you all agree with me.

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