Spanning the Phases, Halfway to 70

Monday, November 24, 2008 | comments (6)
Paul wrote on my wall: We're almost halfway to 70. How do you feel?

I wrote back: When I look at it that way ... not good.

When Paul and I met, we were only halfway to eight. Back then, we spent most of our days together. We were best friends, and really more like brothers. We also happened to be born a day apart. So it was never just my birthday. It was our birthdays. And I liked it that way. I liked sharing my birthday with Paul.

My mom usually took us out for pizza at Mr. Gatti's. And Paul and I would celebrate another year of life by shooting spit-balls at the big-screen TV. Then Paul would stay over and we'd be up late doing Mad Libs, laughing like we were out of our minds, and imitating Bob and Doug. Or sometimes we'd turn philosophical and discuss things like, I don't know why I never noticed this before, but Princess Leia is kind of hot.

What's amazing to me isn't the fact that I'm halfway to 70. It's the fact that I've known Paul for 31 years. Age by itself is sort of an abstract. You just go on feeling like you. It's when you put your age in relation to things and people that it takes on meaning. Because you recognize that while you are still you now, you are not the same you you were when you were halfway to eight. Or halfway to twenty. Or forty. That, in fact, you've been several different yous between there and here.

I tend to see my life in phases. Sometimes a phase revolves around place—a neighborhood, a city, a school. And sometimes it revolves around people. I usually don't know a phase is happening until it's a memory. I keep piling up new phases. And that's good, I guess. I mean, it's better than the alternative. But it's also sad. Because entering a new phase means leaving behind an old one. And there's always a certain amount of forgetting that is to be done and doors to be closed. And more and more I appreciate the people who span the phases and help me remember. There are lots of them now. More every day. And they help me keep the doors open.

Today I live in New Jersey. I think I'm in the middle of a phase that started in Baltimore. But I won't know for sure until it's over. Paul just moved to Argentina. We don't see each other very often, so we won't be shooting any spit-balls at TVs in Mr. Gatti's. But we can write on a wall on Facebook. And talk long distance for free using Skype. And we can continue to span the phases in modern style. Until we stop referring to age as "halfway" to anywhere, because suddenly "halfway" won't seem like much of a possibility anymore.

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Comments

Gardel couldn't have put it better. You'd make a great Argentinian.

Posted by Paul on Nov 24, 2008 at 11:08:56 AM
my birthday is the day after my friend David Luna. we were air force brats. so i've moved through several friends & phases. i've only known dah-veed about 20 years. we've naturally grown apart through several more moves & phases. however, one of the things that make me j. is that every year i remember this lost connection and check in. honestly because it's one of the few birthdays i ever remember.

Posted by j on Nov 24, 2008 at 2:20:12 PM
Happy Birthday, Baby!

Posted by Catherine on Nov 24, 2008 at 4:36:55 PM
This is a sad and lovely way to look at it. I guess a lot of people do think in terms of "halfway", for some reason I never have. Now I certainly will...

Posted by LiLu on Nov 25, 2008 at 3:09:59 PM
Happy birthday! To you and to Paul, too. How cool to have a spiritual twin. It makes the transitions between phases a lot less lonely, yes?

Yes indeed, aging is so humbling, I say that sincerely, but it isn't all bad. All those things they say about getting wiser with age - those things are true.

C'mon, aren't you a lot wiser than you were ten years ago? What were you doing at age 25?

Just sayin'!

Posted by Reya Mellicker on Nov 25, 2008 at 4:58:33 PM
Reya: Let's see ... at 25 I got engaged. I actually think I've gotten less wise since then.

Posted by rothko on Nov 26, 2008 at 9:27:46 PM
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