Most of the time, Honey does not eat shit. She will always stay clear of her own, and even though she is usually curious about the excreta of other dogs, she generally refrains from putting any of it in her mouth. I'm not sure how to properly explain my relief about this. Pride? I'm proud she doesn't eat dog shit? Normally, you'd be proud of the things your dog does well. Like "roll over" or "stay." It's a feeling built upon affirmation of a job well done, not on not doing the thing that never, ever—no really, never—should be done in the first place. You should not have to feel pride when the animal you love and care for—and who, incidentally, licks your ears lovingly when you're driving in the truck together—does not eat dookie.

Sometimes though, in moments of weakness I suppose, Honey will rub her face and neck in the feces of other dogs, as she did this morning while we were walking in the park near my house. A beautiful, wet morning. A light mist falling. Hardly any people around. Just the green grass growing. And the pond, still and somber. So peaceful. One minute we're standing there, watching the ducks float gently across the water. The next, she's on the ground, rubbing her neck in poop. So unexpected. So very wrong and upsetting.

And how to express the deep sense of revulsion and horror I feel at moments like this? Disappointment? I'm disappointed in you, Honey, for rubbing your neck in dog feces. Oh, but it's so much more than that, really. Confusion? I'm deeply confused, befuddled even, as to why you would do this neck-rubbing-in-shit business. This gets to the crux of it, I suppose, but lacks that flash of anger that accompanies it. Piqued? Irked? Vexed? Almost there.

Enraged—ah, this might be what I'm looking for. Especially when, later, after removing her collar, I end up with the coffee-colored caca on my hand. Nothing to wipe it on. And still needing to drive home. Yes, rage comes very close to what I felt at that moment. But I'm so rarely enraged by anything, really. And I'd hate to be guilty of exaggeration or overstating the truth.

Sometimes it's so difficult expressing my emotions.

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