Display by Label: Bathroom_Remodel

When our contractor said he was sending out a 'cleaner' to detail the bathroom, the first image to come to my mind was Harvey Keitel, as "The Wolf" in Pulp Fiction. Which is weird. Because we don't actually have a dead body or bits of brain to remove from our bathroom. Just a lot of dust. But there was something strangely appealing about having a man show up in a tuxedo, possibly swilling a cocktail, a cigarette dangling from his lips, maybe a girl under his arm, and directing my contractor on how he can clean up his own damn mess. And I'd be in my bathrobe and more than happy to make them some coffee, and not that freeze-dried Taster's Choice crap, either, but the serious gourmet shit.

But let's be real, I would never serve Taster's Choice. To anyone. Come on. I mean, what sort of man do you take me for? Oh, and The Wolf would definitely be overkill for this job. Clearly. Besides, I was hoping for something in more of a 'French maid' flavor.

Sadly, when I opened the door this morning, neither of these mental images stood before me. Instead it was a bespectacled and entirely bald-headed man by the name of "JB" dressed in dark jeans, a camouflage sweater, and carrying a bucket of cleaning supplies. He wore a cheerful demeanor that screamed, I know how to get tough stains out and I'm not afraid to do it. Indeed, he appeared to be competent enough, but this was no Wolf. And certainly no French maid.

Overall, JB did a pretty decent job. He's coming back Monday to touch up the tub and the floor. But most of the dust is gone from the fixtures and the sink. Now C will feel more comfortable brushing her teeth in there and we can finally move our bathroom stuff out of the kitchen.

So now we have several DIY things to do around the apartment this weekend. Like sanding. And painting. I also plan to take at least ten showers, you know, to wear the new bathroom in a bit. So I'll be busy, to say the least.

And I suppose I might as well announce it. It's probably time to come out of denial about the whole thing, after all. Act like a grown-up. Alright, so here it is: After we get everything cleaned this weekend, we're putting the apartment up for rent. So if you're in DC and have interest in leasing a large, classic, one-bedroom apartment, brand spanking new bathroom, hardwoods, light-filled, the ultimate in convenience - I'm practicing my ad lingo here - near the Convention Center, a quick walk to every metro line, CVS, Starbucks, Whole Foods, etc, well, let me know. We should be ready to show the place by next weekend. As for C and I, our plan is to move to nearby Baltimore, Hon, where we can still enjoy some semblance of city-living with more space and at a greatly reduced rate. I'm sad, sad, sad because I really don't want to leave the District. But I think B-More will grow on me. It already has, actually, thanks to E&M. And for the first time since moving east we'll have a guest room. So we will be expecting visitors! Of course, there are a few minor details to deal with. We need to get our place rented. And find a place of our own. And move. And a whole host of other extremely stressful minutia related to these things. It looks like this was a terrible time to try and quit morphine. (Just kidding - I would never go off morphine.)

Anyway, that's the plan. There I've said it. I've committed myself. Which I really hate doing.

So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have a Nervous Breakdown. And wait for The Wolf, who should be coming directly.

Have a good weekend.

link to this | comments (3) | File:  BMore  Bathroom_Remodel 

We live out of duffel bags. The trunk of our car. Sometimes we spend the night at home. Sometimes with friends. Sometimes with family. Thank God for them. Because it gets old leaving your apartment to use the bathroom. It gets old closing the doors tight behind you and pushing a towel up against the crack underneath to try and contain the dust - keep it from spreading.

For the past couple of weeks, we have been nomads.

And this existence will continue through next week and beyond. There is still work to be done on the bathroom. Pipes to install. Tile to lay. So for C, it's have duffel will travel. To Olney. To Baltimore. To anywhere that'll take in a girl in need of a little running water.

As for me, I'm escaping for a bit. To do my nomadic car dance in another land. I'm heading to Austin on Friday for SXSWi. I will drive a rental car and carry bags of stuff around with me. I will rest my head for brief intervals at JP and Liz's place. Will wake early and attend workshops by day. Will see friends and go to parties by night. At the parties, the booze will be mostly free because they will be sponsored by some fancy Austin web design shop with marketing money to burn. It's going to be rough. I just hope I'm up to the task. Web celebrities will be seen. Ideas will be spread. Friends will be made. And I will come home tired but energized. Full of new thoughts. Ready to do good.

And I plan to blog while I'm there. More than I have been. I plan to post. But we shall see. Some people apologize when they have not posted for a while. I don't. I think it's self-aggrandizing to presume people give a shit. Sometimes I post. Sometimes I don't. That is all. The way I see it, there's plenty else to read out there. Just ask my Google Reader - it's constantly backlogged with over 300 posts from various blogs. And frankly, I appreciate it when people don't post every day. It means they realize that there's a thing called reader burnout. It means they take time with their words.

But back to the nomadic quality of life these days - there's really no end in site. After Austin, after the bathroom, we will carry our nomadic existence to Japan. We will take trains to different cities for over a week before landing at Mitch's place for a few nights. Japan will be crazy and new, like childhood. We will eat lots of raw fish and there will be no shortage of running water. The posts I make from Japan will be written in English because, despite my good intentions, I haven't learned a lick of Japanese. But C has. She'd done a little studying up. And so has JP. And Mitch, well he's a Japanese-language master. So I feel good. And who knows, maybe we'll see cherry blossoms while we're there. If not, we can probably catch them when we get back to DC.

And then it will be April. And a move will be in order. We're not sure exactly where or when it's going to take place. But it's coming. Another move is coming.

link to this | comments (5) | File:  sxsw  Bathroom_Remodel 

Sometimes you find yourself at the edge of a body of water, looking down, wondering whether or not you can make it. Your mind weighs the pros and cons - makes measurements as to what will work and what won't. Trajectory. Angle. Your life has come down to this moment. And now it's all about perception, instinct, and skill. And most of the time you come out victorious. Most of the time you are able to bask in the smooth and the flow. But sometimes, despite all your best efforts, you wind up urinating on your scarf.

Let me back up. See, I've got one of those long Gap scarves. When it's not wrapped around my neck, it stretches down past my knees. So when you're standing there at the bowl, it's usually a good idea to throw each side up over your shoulder to avoid any unfortunate accidents. The thing is, it's usually advised that you take this step before the stream of piss begins. The thing is, sometimes you're not as coordinated as you think. The thing is - and this is really the crux of it - sometimes you discover you're somebody who pees on your clothing. And you just have to accept that about yourself and move on.

Okay. Let me back up a little further. Last Friday, we were in a kitchen-and-bath store looking at fixtures. C was already annoyed with me. There was a reason why - there usually is - but I've forgotten what it was. Looking at all those sinks and showers and toilets while drinking coffee made me really have to pee. And when you think about it, could there be a better place to use a bathroom? Just make sure you use the right one. Otherwise you could probably be arrested.

It all happened so fast. It's difficult to put things in their proper order. I do remember there was cursing involved, and warmth and wetness. When I came out of the bathroom, I decided to come clean about what happened to C: "I just urinated on my scarf." Though I've never been on the receiving end of this statement, I'd have to say it probably ranks pretty low on the list of confessions you want to hear uttered from the lips of your spouse. Others might not be so bad. "I've been naughty," for instance. Reaction: Oh, yeah? Do tell . . . "I've been a bad, bad girl." Reaction: GO ON .... "I've peed on my scarf." Reaction: Head shaking, eye rolling. Somehow that one just falls flat, doesn't it? Let's just say C was not amused. At least not at that moment. Later, in the car, we both had a pretty good laugh. But at first, I think the reaction from C was more like disbelief. And a kind of wonderment at the glaring reality which she's been catching glimpses of for the last eight years: somehow, despite all her good upbringing, she wound up marrying a cave man.

Anyway, it happened. The scarf has been washed. End of story.

The real story now is this: (unfortunately, it still has to do with urine) Our bathroom remodel project started yesterday. The contractor has done the first step - which is to tape a bunch of paper to the floor and seal off the doorways with plastic, a futile attempt to help control the white dust that is sure to get everywhere, despite these measures. I'm hoping the plastic will impede the spread of the white dust a little bit, anyway. We'll see.

Anyway, our old fixtures are being removed on Wednesday. The toilet, the bath, everything. We're keeping the toilet and the sink, because they're pretty new, but we're losing the tub. Still, they all need to come out so the contractors can re-tile. So our sink and toilet will be sitting in our entrance for a little over a week (if we're lucky) - just sitting there like strange dada art installations. Duchamp would be proud. And, oh yeah did I mention this bathroom that's being gutted is our only bathroom? Yeah. That's an important point.

There are a number of reasons to have a home. It's a place to put your stuff. It's a place to relax and unwind. It's a place where you know what to expect form the things - animate and inanimate - that populate that space. This could not be more true than when you're talking about your toilet. Or, if you're lucky enough to speak in pluralities, toilets.

We tend to take the toilet for granted. I mean, we always know it will be there in the same place, morning, noon, and night. When we're standing (guys) we know just where to direct our flow - just how to aim. We can do it in the dark. Hell, we could probably do it in our sleep. And when we're sitting, well it just feels cozy and nice against our buns. It's - and I hope I'm not getting too sentimental here - our friend. A really close friend that doesn't mind you pissing on him every once in a while. It's generally the last thing you see before heading to bed and it's the first thing you want to see when you wake up in the morning. Imagine waking up, bladder full of last night's water or beer or soda, and your toilet is gone. It's strange and painful to imagine it not being there. And the cruel part is that our toilet will be there - right in the hallway. But it can't really be it's old self there, can it? Not really. Oh, it'll look and feel the same, but it definitely won't behave the same - no matter how much we wish it were so. I'm just glad I'm not one to sleep-walk.

So for the next week, maybe two, it's going to feel a little bit like camping for us. We'll have running water, but only in our kitchen sink. And the kitchen sink is not really good for showers, or to sit and contemplate life's finer things. But never fear - we have an out house: the superintendent's office apartment in the basement of our building. We'll be using this for necessities, and we'll be grabbing showers at the gym. I'm going to keep a spare bottle nearby in case of emergencies. Oh, and we'll be spending the weekends with friends and family. Thanks, E&M and J&A for taking us in. I promise to remove my scarf.

Oh, and have a look at the Pre-Remodel Gallery.

link to this | comments (6) | File:  Bathroom_Remodel